You’re divorced. And, just when you think you will be alone forever — you meet someone that you can see yourself marrying. But, can you do it again? Do you even want to take that risk? The thought of another wedding might make your hands sweat. You remember the hurt, pain, and long-lasting emotional damage you went through during your first marriage. Not to mention the cost of the divorce.
But, in the same breath, you acknowledge that you don’t want to be alone forever. So, could it be different? I’m here to tell you that marriage the second time around can be different. In fact, it can be good! My husband and I will be celebrating our 5th anniversary in just a few short weeks, and it has been a fabulous, five years.
So, here are a few reasons your second marriage can be better than your first.
You learned a few lessons
Have you ever watched a baby fall on down? The first time they fall, they look shocked, and then they cry. The second time, they know what to expect. And, even if it hurts at times, they aren’t as surprised. Your second marriage is a bit like a falling baby.
You learned things in your first marriage, no matter how bad it might have been. So, today, if similar things happened to you, you wouldn’t be as shocked, and you might even have new skills that will help you cope and manage better.
You know what you need
Do you remember your first kiss? I remember mine – it was horrid! By the time I did it again, I already knew what I didn’t like. That knowledge helped me coach the next guy.
So, in your second marriage, you know what you need and want. If infidelity ended your first marriage, you can have open conversations and set expectations with your new spouse. If you know that you need space, or to approach a certain aspect of life in a specific way – you can discuss that up front with your new love interest. The trick is to communicate these things openly and set plans for how to deal with issues that you think might come up.
You’re willing to work
Marriage is work. So, if you step in the ring for round two, be sure you’re ready to put on the gloves and do the job. This might mean being prepared to do some couples counseling before you walk down the aisle. Or, you might want to plan weekly date nights, nightly couples devotionals, or other ways to kick off your marriage on the right foot.
Love is hard, I know. But, I also know that going to bed each night with someone who you can call your best friend is worth it.
You’re a little smarter
Even if it’s only been a few years – you’re older and wiser. You know who you are and being alone might actually have helped you grow and mature. As women, it takes us a little time to get in sync with who we are and what we need. But, once you know – you can accomplish anything you want.
You’re grateful for what you have
Gratitude – it helps you appreciate what you have. So, when you meet someone who makes your heart flutter, you’re likely to feel blessed and grateful. Gratitude elevates our emotions and allows us to envision a life full of happiness. Gratitude can make a house a home, and even help you blend two families.
You want to do it right
When you set your mind to something at work, you achieve it, right? Well, why should your love life be any different than your business life? It shouldn’t.
In fact, if you’re honest with yourself, you probably know that you put more time and effort into other parts of your life than you put into your first marriage. But, when you know you want to have a happy, long-lasting relationship with someone, and your willingness to put in the time and energy – it’s likely to happen.
Walking down the aisle the second time is a bit scary. But, it’s also exhilarating when you allow yourself to live and love again. Divorce is hard, but it doesn’t have to break you. Be intentional with what you want your new life to be, and a successful marriage will follow.